MY STORY

I know now that I left a big part of myself hidden to make it all true. I chose a path that had me celebrating on the outside and filling a void with more and better and bigger. I was completely disconnected.

 

I chose to control everything. I also chose to replace the word "control" with the word "empowered." Sound familiar?

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So, What did it cost me?

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Perhaps, though, the hardest truth to face was that my decisions were led from a place of trauma and grief that did not just effect me. The consequences rippled through every relationship and every decision I have ever made. I left a wake of half lived experiences that seeped into those that loved me the most. I used past traumas as shields and when those started to crack open I used the people I love as shields.

 

This hard work and strength was all put towards the energies of protecting and controlling instead of using this force for growth and connection. Until I hit an edge I was unable to ignore.

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What happens at the edges are probably some of the hardest and the most important work we undertake.

 

Realizing that we are so full of excuses is probably the first true meaningful step in (re)membering self. For many their trust and truth is hidden behind past trauma, unreasonable expectations, society norms and false beliefs. We spend most of our lives hiding behind these hurdles, chasing what everyone else thinks are the right things to chase. 

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Drop the bullshit and choose to live deeply.

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​So instead of trying to bypass my hurdles, I dropped into myself to welcome it all back in. To feel and honour the voices inside that say…it’s all here, you just have to set aside your expectations, excuses, and fear to see the truth of who you are.  You need to roll them around your tongue. You need to find what your core desires. Dance to your life pulse. You need to test your limiting beliefs, soak in them and spend time exploring before you can integrate them into your ways.

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I am still discovering, relenting, releasing, playing with, celebrating and unleashing. I learn more about all the parts of me, everyday. I have learned to trust myself.

 

May it always be so.

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“Trust yourself enough to fall apart. Let go of resiliency for a while and walk towards your edges. Throw it all up in the air and let the beautifully true bits land and be tasted and absorbed. Alchemize that and rise.  Rise and learn what it means to walk back from the edge.”

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My edge work as led to so many beautiful people and moments. It led me to create a collective to support wellness practitioners, it has allowed me to sit with those that are afraid to face truths and journey with them into a deepened understand of their heart.

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Walking towards the edges is a path I will always be on. I trust myself to know this is the ritual of an apprenticed life. It is a lifelong commitment where I walk untamed paths in gratitude for what has led me here, for the beauty that has been found there and for the magic that still exists.

 

This is where I belong.

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Hiding yourself is diminishing.

Self love is a true act of empowerment.

choose pleasure always.